Ok, I’m still scratching my head on this one…

Last week, I had a date with a man that I initially turned down because I just wasn’t getting the “you should go out with him” vibe. I ran into him again a week ago. He was polite and really seemed to want to take me out so I agreed. On the night of our date, my best friend offered to meet me at the restaurant a little earlier to check out the view (read: guys).

There wasn’t much of a “view” but we enjoyed our time by talking about what my hesitation was with this guy. My big question was regarding his authenticity however I agreed to give him a shot and we ended up having a nice conversation…the three of us. When she got up to leave shortly after he arrived, he insisted she stay. He continued to compliment me and asked me out for a second date up until the moment I left the restaurant. I told him I would text him the best day for me and he seemed glad that we would go out again.

When my girlfriend and I left, she wanted to know what I thought and I answered her honestly. I told her I still wasn’t sure about his intentions but I was looking forward to going out with him again to find out if there was anything there. We said goodbye and then she walked to her car which was parked next to his.

Fast forward three hours and I get a response to my “thank you for a nice evening” text that says, “no hard feelings but your girlfriend is more my type and I want to ask her out.” Oddly, my girlfriend didn’t answer her cell phone when I called.

I called her again in the morning to find out what he had said to her after our date because I saw them talking. She said, “he told me ‘well, that didn’t go well.’” Then I shared his text with her to which she responded, “this is so uncomfortable.” Stunned by her response, I repeated, “this is uncomfortable??” And she said, “this is so uncomfortable…but he is more my type isn’t he?” I then asked her why she didn’t say anything to me and she said, “well I just found out that he wants to go out with me.” She misunderstood my question to mean in regards to what I just told her. What I was really asking her was why she didn’t say anything to me about what was said last night…the “it didn’t go well” part. After a long pause, I agreed that it was uncomfortable and hung up.

The following day, I received an email justifying why she should go out with him. Her email also contained a very looooong list of all his good traits and she appeared to be looking for approval. I’m not sure I believe she didn’t already go out with him after our date because that list was pretty long.

So, this guy really is nobody to me. He doesn’t matter; however, I’m having a hard time accepting how this all went down. I believe my good friend could have should have said, “I know you said you wanted to go out again with him again but you should know what he just said to me. He told me the date didn’t go well. Listen, I really like this guy. You seem to be on the fence about him but I would really like to go out with him if that’s ok with you.”

Her behavior totally caught me off guard. I would have bet money, lots of money that she never ever would have done anything like this. Nope, not my best friend. No sir. But she did.

When did it become acceptable to disregard your friends’ feelings when it comes to matters of the heart? I haven’t responded to her email. I don’t have anything to say and the last thing I want is more justification. Maybe my response should just be, “You made your bed now let your freak flag fly.”

jorgie and gray 2004

Where do I begin?

I currently have every piece of electronic equipment in my home on lock down. That includes my 2 iphones, ipad, ipod touch, laptop and desktop. I can’t trust my kids to stay away from sites they KNOW they shouldn’t be on and I don’t know other way to handle this. In addition to having a fixation with bloody, violent, gory internet games, Grayson repeatedly goes on youtube and looks up crazy things…I HATE youtube!

Anyway, I left work early yesterday and knew something was awry when I got home and found the door to the garage was locked. Clearly, this was an amateur’s attempt at trying to prevent the enemy from swiftly entering the protected zone. Both Jorgie and Grayson leaped away from the computer when I walked into the living room. (Note: for increased safety, experts suggest computers should be in a public area CHECK, and locked CHECKITY CHECK.)

Me: What are you doing?

Jorgie: (Furrowed brow) Nothing??

Grayson: (Blank stare)

Me: Nice try. What the heck are you two up to?

Jorgie: (Furrowed brow even more and now irritated) Uh…nothing!

Grayson: I wasn’t even near the computer.

Me: You better cop to it now or so help me I’ll punish you……real bad (I actually said “real bad”).

Jorgie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Me: Oh really? Why is the computer still warm???

Jorgie: Ok, we were online.

Me: How’d you unlock the computer?

Jorgie: I looked over grammy’s shoulder when she typed in the password the other day.

Me: What website were you on? And why does this camera have tape all over it???

Jorgie: chatroulette.com (This is a website marketed as “a website tool to meet new people”. Simply hook a camera up to your computer (and use lots of Scotch tape to secure it as my two felons did) and watch others do whatever they want to do just as they watch you. And this is all live…real time. There’s also a chat feature so you can communicate with these budding online stars. This site attracts young and old voyeurs.

And then, horror of all horrors I heard…

Grayson: But we hit the “next“ button everytime we saw a naked guy!

Did you hear that??? THEY HIT THE NEXT BUTTON EVERYTIME THEY SAW A NAKED GUY!!!!!!!! I’m not real sure what happened after that last statement but I’m sure it wasn’t one of my finer moments. I swore, yelled, threatened, yelled and swore again…it wasn’t pretty. I’m annoyed Jorgie’s friend showed her this site when she spent the night a few weekend’s ago (this friend’s father is a police officer I might add) but I’m really annoyed that they stayed on this site after seeing the first “naked guy”. And after closer inspection, I noticed Jorgie had straightened her hair and had a skimpy top on. This was going from bad to worse.

At this point Grayson started singing like a canary. He informed me that Jorgie chatted with a few guys. And told them they were hot. And that she had been on the site for the last two days. I think I sent them to their rooms and told them to go to bed. It was 1145am.

I was scared. I still am. How the heck do you get your children to interpret warning signs properly and then walk away? Visions of past Oprah episodes focusing on online predators flashed through my mind. It’s sick what some people will do and chatroulette is one place I’m sure they’ll do it. Did you know there are sites where kids can make up “wish lists” and predators can go and purchase these items for them? The more I learn and the more I see my kids are naturally curious, the more I wish the internet was never invented.

So, I took their phones away, told them they aren’t allowed to watch TV for 2 weeks, changed the passwords on all the electronic devices in our home, and then I played card games with them after dinner. They’ve officially been punished real bad.

this is what 11 looks like

I’m not thrilled that I’m single. I’m not thrilled that I’ve only been on a handful of dates since my marriage ended…almost 6 years ago. I’m not thrilled that it seems so stinkin’ hard to meet nice guys. And I’m really not thrilled that online dating seems to be my only chance at meeting someone.

I’ve been on a few sites and let me tell you, there’s slim pickin’s when it comes to available men in my age range. I think one of the reasons that makes it difficult to find a good man is because you can be whomever you want to be online. You don’t have to be that guy that needs to lose a few pounds…just post an older, slimmer picture of yourself. Balding? Not a problem. Dig out another older, hairier picture from your past. Drive a beat up car? No big deal. Snap a picture of yourself leaning up against the one you wish you really drove.

What happened to the days when you could be introduced to someone? Well I’ll tell you, those days are gone, gone, GONE! I’ve asked almost everyone I know if they know of any nice, single men. Not for me, unless he was spectacular, but for the purpose of proving a point. I even expanded the search region to anywhere in the world. Well guess what…every single answer was that they don’t know of any. Not one. Nobody. These guys don’t exist.

A good friend of mine is convinced it’s because men are given the go ahead to live up to the standards (which are very low) that are portrayed as on tv. Lying, cheating, divorcing, etc. is the guideline for how men should be and act. Well poop, I don’t want that!

Geez. That’s kind of pathetic. Is that really what’s going on? My focus will now be redirected…away from trying to find a great guy and towards raising a great guy. He’s only 11, but he’s already spectacular. He insists on opening my car door EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GET IN THE CAR! Well, that’s a start. Some girl is going to be very happy with this man I’m raising…and she’s going to be real lucky too since he’s obviously going to be an endangered species.

la familia 2010

At the end of June of this year I decided I wasn't going to let my past be part of my future. What happened then is over, it's done and it shouldn't exist in the present. I decided that I wanted my children to meet their grandfather. I texted my brother and told him what I had decided and he took over.  Within 3 days, my father was flying to LA and we would have a mini family reunion over the 4th of July. Oddly, I wasn't nervous at all about seeing him after 20+ years and I believe that's because I knew I was making the right decision.

Jorge took the kids to the airport with him to pick up my dad. He took a video of their first moments meeting each other. It was odd to see them introduce themselves to each other and shake hands but they had never met or spoken before so I guess this was a natural thing to do. What wasn't odd was the look on my father's face when he first saw them. Instantly, you could tell he loved them because they were his flesh and blood. Funny how that works, huh? Family is family...forever...no matter what.

It was nice to see how much he loved these total strangers. He was so accommodating and willing to do anything and everything. Read a book? Great! Walk around the block? Awesome! Pick up breakfast? Sure! Carry in all the groceries? Not a problem! Watch the kids play wii for hours. Love to! It truly was a spectacular weekend.

halloween 2010

Since then, we spent our first Halloween together. We talk on the phone every weekend and I've emailed a ton of pictures to him since he was not able to see the kids grow up. He seems to really appreciate being back in my life and loves being included in his grandchildren's lives...just like your typical grandfather.